In a place like Tokyo, it can at times be daunting to try to qualify the bulk of your experience when you consider just how vast the community is. With literally 30 million people in the Kanto plain, no matter how much you see, there’s always the polar opposite somewhere else. However, with a grain of salt it is pretty easy to identify things that are irritating. A warning to future travelers who may come seeking the land of golden Nintendo controllers, Godzilla, or an endless supply of japanese schoolgirls (who by the way, by definition, are under 18).
1. The Yelling. in a society that values looking busy over looking organized, in even the most tame urban environments you will find girls in long jackets screaming gibberish in Japanese through megaphones. When I say gibberish I’m not referring to the fact that I don’t speak Japanese… but literally these people are paid to sound completely unintelligible to the passers by. They serve only to get your attention long enough to enter the business. This is so ironic considering what a lack-of-public-interaction society Japan is. It is shameful to be yelling to get a friends attention in a busy crowd, yet yelling into a megaphone strings of unintelligible syllables is somehow a positive business strategy.
2. Everyone smokes. Despite all the jokes in America about how terrible it is that you can’t smoke in bars, it’s something I’d actually grown to like. Being in a place where hanging out and not smelling terrible in the morning is actually quite pleasant. In Japan, it’s not just bars. Nearly every restaurant you’ll go to has a smoking section. It’s fashionable to smoke here in the way it was in the 50s, and trendy billboards and vending machines litter the landscape talking of new ‘nanotech’ cigarettes.
3. The Fashion. Specifically, the women’s fashion. I’m sure were there any editors of vogue that read my blog I’d be hit with a string of comments informing me that all extreme fashion eventually becomes subdued enough to make it to GAP shelves, or how it’s ‘wearable art’ but there’s nothing about this that is art.
4. People don’t like Americans. This isn’t a problem limited to Japan, nor does it apply to everyone in the country, but by and large if you are over 35 you give most Gaijin at best a general avoidance. If you are engaged by the locals, it is often as an attempt to practice their English, or to save face, but with the exception of young girls in Shibuya, you’ll be hard pressed to find conversation without significant effort.
5. Gambling. Right up there with the yelling, you’ll find Pachinko and slots establishments every block or two, and they all seem obsessed with Neon Genesis Evangelion. These can at times be very near porno theaters (yes, they still exist in Japan) and other less wholesome businesses. It’s not really the existence of these businesses that frustrates me… it’s the fact that they are everywhere, and always full. There was an article in a Japanese newspaper regarding the new Child Subsidy (Japan’s population is declining fairly drastically so the government literally pays you every time you have a child). This article annotated that every time they have increased the subsidy, gambling has had a direct correlative increase.
6. Hair. In spite of the elder generation really not being fond of Americans, the lengths the younger generation will go to emulate American culture is almost without limit. The problem is, somewhere along the line, they got it wrong. So instead of having the bleach blondes, you get this. It’s fashionable to look unnatural, and this goes for America as well, but in Japan it’s just extreme.
7. The Quasi Language Barrier. I say “quasi” because it’s not as it is in Spain or Brazil or even Chile where you know that the only people in general that speak English are those in tourist businesses. In Japan, you never know who understands what, or how confused you’ll be when going to a given place. In learning a minimal amount of Japanese you can find your way around just fine, but it’s amazing how must people understand but don’t want you to think they understand. When on a train, in a normal conversation everyone will ignore you until they hear one thing (maybe less politically correct things…) and shoot you a dirty look. On the same token often times people will intentionally act ignorant in order to save themselves the shame of speaking incorrectly. Not to mention many English words or business names have to be Japanized in order to be understood. McDonalds is “Makodonada”. My apartment complex Velasis is “Verasis” etc. At times I almost wish that no one spoke any English at all just so you’d know what to expect.
8. The fact that you’re always right. The service oriented retail industry in Japan is at first such a refreshing change. People always say thank you, always try to help, and are always smiling and seemingly happy. The downside, is when they make a mistake. On no less than 10 occasions I’ve ended up taking cab drivers or shop clerks for upwards of 20 dollars just because they refused to understand I was trying to correct them on change. The other day I literally argued with a cab driver for 10 minutes to tell him that he was giving me back 1000 yen too much. When he finally busted out his phone to show me on his calculator, he seemed disappointed and shamed that I was helping him out. This also happened once in a furniture store where I received a free mattress with a similar situation.
9. The roads. As much as the sheer population density of Japan makes this an inevitability, roads in Japan are insanely cramped and narrow. Roads never have turn lanes, meaning that if you are turning right (remember, they drive on the left here) you literally just stop in your lane and hold up traffic. There’s also this awesome tradition drivers have of parking right on the street. If the lanes were traditional North American sized, this wouldn’t be as huge an issue, but this literally forces merging for everyone in the lane… every time. All drivers therefore have to pay about 500% more attention than they would even in a larger U.S. city. There’s also this misconception that all Japanese cars are smaller. While there are a few smart cars on the road, there’s an equal share of stupidly large vans.
10. It’s not America. Ethnocentrism be damned, there are so many times when the little things just stack up. Even if Japan were the land of milk and honey, when the people you care most about in the world are half the world away, it’s just not going to stack up. Also, who in their right mind would ever want to pay $50 for a large pizza?
